sam ridley

Terror Comes to Smyrna Every Weekday at 3 PM

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Some cities are haunted by ghosts that live amongst the townsfolk and occasionally journey back to the realm of the living to wreak havoc. Certain war towns are plagued with the souls of soldiers who never found rest. And other villages have documented accounts of specters and demons that have terrorized people to the point of insanity.

As frightening as any of these haunts may be, they truly have NOTHING on the town of Smyrna, Tennessee . . .

3:00 AM is traditionally known as The Witching Hour. This reflects an occult reference to the time at which creatures such as witches, demons, and ghosts are believed to appear and be at their most powerful.

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(lifelike reinterpretation)

Is it coincidence that at the corresponding time – exactly 3:00 PM – on Monday through Friday the gates of hell itself unleash in Smyrna? The locals here in our beloved Tennessee town dare to only whisper its name: “S-a-m R-i-d-l-ey.”

Traffic that Satan himself could not even withstand. Want to go home? Too bad. Have to poop? Nope. Sit at the light. Just want to get Chick-Fil-A? Ohhhhh, don’t even try it.

Supernatural scientists, also known as “ghost hunters,” travel far and wide to document the anomaly that is Sam Ridley during rush hour. Not all of them return. Many go missing in search of food between the hours of 3:00 PM and 6:30 PM, only to later be found as mere skeletons.

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Local politicians have been picketing to designate Smyrna an official quarantine zone. The red light located at the intersection of Sam Ridley and Telegraph Drive alone has claimed hundreds of lives due to pure boredom.

As the great people of Smyrna, this Halloween season we challenge the haunted spirits, “Do your worst and most evil, and we shall not flinch.” For our skin has been thickened and our souls rendered unshakable from surviving Sam Ridley.

STAY SAFE THIS HALLOWEEN SMYRNA AND ENJOY!

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